her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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