in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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