we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
