I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
