hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
