Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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