i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
