but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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