You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
