You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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