she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
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Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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