Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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