she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
