the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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