Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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