She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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