Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
