This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
