I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
