Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
