Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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