Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
