Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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