I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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