Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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