Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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