i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
