Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
