Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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