dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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