I cockslap morals
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis