after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are the jesus of drinking
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...