with your own penis?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.