Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?