Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
