It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
