This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
