So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
