OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
