This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
