What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
