I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
