Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.