Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays