can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward