after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
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No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.