I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.