I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.