Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"