i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
