I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
