He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
