She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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