my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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