So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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