He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
