so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wear drunk well.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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