At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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