haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
