Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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