I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
