Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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