is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
