Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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