You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
