wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Randomize
