I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
