I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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