We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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