I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she looked like the before picture.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
